I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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