youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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