Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
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literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
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We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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