dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
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I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
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Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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