if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
