Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
