he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize