I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize