I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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