you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
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Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
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And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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