We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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