my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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