Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
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You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
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"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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