College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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