Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
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Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
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Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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