you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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