you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize