If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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