Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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