i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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