You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just saw a hot homeless man
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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