i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
