i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize