He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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