I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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