guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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