You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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