Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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