i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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