remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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