we have officially lost it.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
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We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize