I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
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There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
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I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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