he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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