i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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