cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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