I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize