he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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