mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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