u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
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Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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