I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
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You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
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If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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