I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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