There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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