yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Randomize