John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
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So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
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thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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