I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize