Rock
Scissors
Fuck
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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