I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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