guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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