something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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