you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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